I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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