I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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