If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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