It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you had me at cake vodka
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
