im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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