6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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