Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
