i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
