You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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