I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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