I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
