There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
