Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
