im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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