Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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