Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
where are you?
Hypothermia
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You need a sexual gate keeper
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
