Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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