I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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