i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Operation Purity has been aborted
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
