Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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