pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Houston, we have a blender
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
