I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
