Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize