Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
