o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
