oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
