I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
