I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize