Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
