very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
