accomplished twins. life is a go
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize