Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
