just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
