Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
