some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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