Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
