Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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