Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
