So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
