If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
