remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it hurts more in the daytime
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
