I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
