im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
