New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
