I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you would pick up someone in the library
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
