I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
