It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
