I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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