i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
