I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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