Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
