so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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