3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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