I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
