there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
