wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
