The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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