and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
