He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
