I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
