they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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