Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I am available for nakedness
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
