He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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