yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
